Are You Putting Off Happiness?
If I’m putting my happiness on hold, what am I waiting for? Oftentimes it’s because I want guarantees! I want to know everything is going to work out the way I want it to before trusting and taking courageous action. When I stop and look at my thought process, I see a recurring pattern in my reasoning. I see myself thinking I’ll be happy when__________. or, If only _____________ happens then I’ll be happy. If only _______ would have happened.
The problem with this type of thinking is it robs me of the joy accessible to me in the immediate moment. By worrying or obsessing about the past or future it keeps me from living in today.
Instead of holding out for guarantees, I can choose to live today. I can choose to be present in the moment. One practical step one can do is to become physically aware of one’s body. You can draw your attention to your feet. Are they in shoes or on the carpet. Notice if they are hot or cold, or possibly cramped after a long day. Stop to notice your breath. Am I holding my breath? Are my shoulders nice and relaxed or am I holding them up to my ear lobes? This brings me back into the present moment to be where my hands and feet are. Catholic psychologist Dr. Conrad Baars writes about the importance of mental exercises such as these in his books.
When fear wants to grip me from making a decision I replace the negative banter between my two ears by practicing, “My decision doesn’t need to be perfect. All I can do is make the best decisions with the knowledge and tools I have at the time, which is right now.” I also remind myself indecision is a decision. I’ve found my exercising my power of choice, it too has increased my happiness.
True joy starts with Gratitude. What can I be grateful for today? I challenge myself, especially in the worst of times to go through a gratitude list starting with the letter A, then B, then C, and so forth all the way through Z. I’ve never met anyone who couldn’t do it. Happiness isn’t something waiting to be obtained, it’s a decision, and a choice in each moment. Waiting to be happy is like trying to clutch water streaming out of the faucet. It can’t be done. I can however fill my cup of joy each day just like I can fill that cup of water but I need to renew that cup each day or it will run dry.
Happiness is subjective, not objective. Let me share a story to illustrate: I once met a woman who was on welfare and sustained massive body injuries from an 80-car pile-up. She was so poor she would turn her heat way down in the winter and wear snow pants in her house just so she could save up enough money to go on vacation with her daughter and grandkids. One might think, “That poor woman.” But she didn’t think that of herself. She often spoke about all the beautiful things the world had to offer. I never heard her complain but I did hear about all the things she was grateful for. She radiated Joy! Her joy was subjective. It was contagious! If happiness is objective everyone would have the same experience after sustaining a massive injury, but they don’t.
If happiness wasn’t subjective then everyone who was a millionaire would be happy. Or everyone who was married would be happy. The same would hold true if all people living in poverty or third-world countries were miserable. Or anyone who’s ever suffered a traumatic event were melancholic. We all know that these assumptions are false. There is no objective/magic formula for happiness! It’s a moment-by-moment decision.
The universal phenomenon is we all struggle with this type of thinking. The Bible and science teaches the best way to overcome stinking thinking is through awareness of our own personal self-sabotaging thoughts by being in community and listening to others share their experience, courage and hope.
2Cor 10:5 says “take every thought Captive.” Well what does that mean? And how do we really do that? Is it even that important? Who cares?
Let’s explore these questions and more in the next article. Better yet come check us out at Mighty Networks and join our community!