What are boundaries?
What are boundaries?
I hated that word when I first came into recovery work. I just couldn’t visualize it. It helped me when someone suggested I start to think of physical boundaries such as fences, and property lines. This helped create a visual for me for emotional boundaries to become a little clearer. (I believe the person got this concept from Townsend and Cloud in their book Boundaries because they mention this concept there.)
What are boundaries?
I hated that word when I first came into recovery work. I just couldn’t visualize it. It helped me when someone suggested I start to think of physical boundaries such as fences, and property lines. This helped create a visual for me for emotional boundaries to become a little clearer. (I believe the person got this concept from Townsend and Cloud in their book Boundaries because they mention this concept there.)
Like the first image pictured above, many of us come in with boundaries representing castle walls. Walls that are so high, so thick, so tall. And with a moat around the castle and crocodiles in the moat. The only thing getting in and out of that castle is a spider.
Contrary to popular belief, these walls were built with a positive intention. They were built to keep the bad out so no one could hurt us anymore. Unfortunately, we weren’t built to have walls around our heart; it also stifles us and keeps the pleasant out. God desires more for us! This is similar to chapter one when we talked about trying not to feel our negative emotions. We stifle ourselves from feeling the positive ones as well.
I often tell the story that when I came into Wholeness/ Recovery work, I was like a circus. Everything came into my life, and everyone went out as they pleased. As long as you were happy, I was happy. I could read a room like no other and I took pride in that. I couldn’t, however, tell you what my needs and wants were. No wonder people walked all over me, and I found myself in some precarious situations.
Someone finally told me healthy emotional boundaries are like fences with gates that can be opened and shut! We have choices. We can choose when to let people in and when to ask or tell them to leave. My favorite visual is that of a white-picket fence with a gate that one can open and shut (and even lock).
How would you describe yourself? Do you have walls, gates, or are you more like a circus?
How would others describe you?
